CROSSROADS. No, I'm not talking about that horrible Britney Spears movie, although the crossroads I am at would be considered a trainwreck as well.

Now, normally, I like a good trainwreck. As long as it isn't happening to me. That old song "Should I stay or should I go" is on a continuous loop in my head. And the dichotomy is horrendous. Being a gemini, I am a little split personality anyway. But I have this one side of me that says Fight for this you stupid bitch. Then there is the other side of me that says Why you wanna put yourself through this even one more day. You stupid bitch.

So I'm kind of stuck in a big old pile of crap and I'm not willing to move just yet. What the hell. I'm on auto pilot and I don't like being here. I have a friend who is paralleling this very experience. It is amazing to hear her story. Because it is my story only she is 10 years younger than I am (maybe more) But it is the same story. We have homework in between our conversations. I am willing to do the homework, but I'm not sure it makes me feel better or worse.

I have had to start knitting again. I can't think about anything but knitting when I am knitting. So at least my brain doesn't hurt. If my brain hurts, my heart hurts and that has to stop. I started my project last night and it is amazing how quickly that skill comes back. The last time I had to knit was when I was in college and I was all stressed out and getting ulcers. Again--when knitting, that's all you can think about.

For those who tune in on a regular basis--I know you were expecting something funny, so I will post something for you to laugh at. The other weekend, we had a large victory in the first game of a double header, mercy rule and all. So we had some time between games. I was sitting in the dugout, eating seeds and spitting. Both of which are perfectly acceptable at a softball game. Someone walked in front of me and I told them to watch out because they were in my spitting path and since I was an amateur spitter, they should probably watch out. They looked at me and said "Amateur?" I said, "Yes--because I'm such a lady and all" There was dead silence in the dugout and then a lot of laughter. I guess I've used certain words ONE too many times, negating the "lady" thing.