UGLY LOSER MONKEY

Meet the Ugly Loser Monkey. This thing gives me the creeps. Let me tell you the story behind ULM. Every year, one of the groups where I work hosts a White Elephant/Dirty Santa Christmas exchange, wherein, you bring some crappy present that you don't want (think "Eggstractor" or something equally as useless. You draw numbers and then pick a gift. You can either keep your gift or you can "steal" one from someone else. So it really pays to have a late number in this game. A couple of years ago, there was a big beautiful gift bag that no one would take. So it was the last one left. The woman who got it pulled out all the tissue paper and ULM was in the bottom. I almost wet myself I was laughing so hard. It was the best crappy gift ever. Turns out someone's son had seen it in a friend's mom's trash and asked if he could have it for his mom. And she put it in the crappy gift exhange.

Now the second part of the story about why I was in possession of it. We play Fantasy Survivor at our office. We each draw 2 Survivor contestant names and when they get voted off, if you have their name, you have to have ULM in your office until the next week. At the end of the season, the winner gets lunch and a prize. It's kind of fun and breaks up the mundane.

So now that I have a picture of ULM, I'm thinking I should award the Ugly Loser Monkey prize to any assmonkey I think deserves it. The first winner is my dog, Elvis. I gave him a haircut yesterday and he was so mad at me, he took the post haircut cookie and spit it out and then went out and sat in the yard and pouted for 2 hours. Just stared at the house and sulked. Wouldn't even acknowledge us. It was kind of funny, but he still gets the ULM prize.