WHERE ARE MY LISTENING EARS?! I have lost them g. dammit and I don't want them back. I have lost them along with my sensitivity and ability to not say everything that's on my mind. I have lost them along with my indoor voice. Maybe never to be seen again.

My eyeballs are stuck from rolling them so much and I have a bruise on my forehead from slamming it on to my desk.

Why oh why do they not make the old fashioned phones that you can actually slam rather than be disconnected digitally? The most effective substitute for this is to hope you have a metal desk, therefore having metal desk drawers. Empty said drawer, throw the receiver in there and close and open the drawer in rapid succession. The receiver rattles around in there, creating quite a noise. Or so I've heard.