The Christmas Letter You've always Wanted to Write
Come on--you know you want to--My life is so effing dull, mine wouldn't be funny at all, but I'll give it a shot:
HOLIDAY GREETINGS TO ONE AND ALL:
Well, my life has been terribly hectic this year, what with all the mouse killing and surgeries. I only did about 5 racewalks because it was just too effing cold and I didn't feel like getting up out of bed on a perfectly good Sunday morning, driving 20 miles, freezing my ass off and then driving home again. (I actually only missed one of the 4 I'm used to doing)
I finally caught the little bastard mouse that was terrorizing me for about 2 months last year and thought I was done. Not so much. They have now eaten an entire box of de-con and show no signs of quitting. I damn near have to wear a level A hazmat suit every time I go into the kitchen. Not because it smells, but because they have a bad habit of darting out whenever I open the pantry door and it is the only way I don't get the heebie-jeebies and by the way, every time I hear "heebie jeebie" I think of that movie Madagascar and the lemurs. They seriously crack me up. "I love him so much that it makes your love of him look like hate" BWAHAHAHHAHAHAHA! Sorry--I digress, just be glad I don't give you the earworm from that movie.
I played some ball over the last year, but alas, age has caught up with me and I ended up with a shoulder problem. Not sure if it was volleyball or softball or a combo of both, but had to breakdown and have surgery in July and that was no fucking walk in the park. You know you are at a low point when your sister puts your underwear on for you and knows what kind of wax job you get. THEN I got to have a second surgery to break up the scar tissue from the first surgery and ended up with a bruise from the shot of demerol that I still have 2 months later.
I found out that certain people are really not as special as I thought and they are going to have a time convincing me that they are. I miss other people very much and can't wait for them to get to where I can see them again.
I'm still not married/seeing anyone blah blah blah, so quit fucking asking me about it. And I'm too old to have a baby, so shut up about that while you're at it. And as long as I'm on the subject--I don't really care about how your 2 year old is progressing with potty training. Some of y'all--I do want to hear about your kids, but you know who you are.
I'm still in love with Pudge, as if I needed to actually write that down and still can't talk about the World Series without weeping.
Work is fine. I go every day. I haven't received a promotion or anything like that, although they do like me here.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! I hope 2007 is a hell of a lot better than this year was.
Love,
Ballz
Come on--you know you want to--My life is so effing dull, mine wouldn't be funny at all, but I'll give it a shot:
HOLIDAY GREETINGS TO ONE AND ALL:
Well, my life has been terribly hectic this year, what with all the mouse killing and surgeries. I only did about 5 racewalks because it was just too effing cold and I didn't feel like getting up out of bed on a perfectly good Sunday morning, driving 20 miles, freezing my ass off and then driving home again. (I actually only missed one of the 4 I'm used to doing)
I finally caught the little bastard mouse that was terrorizing me for about 2 months last year and thought I was done. Not so much. They have now eaten an entire box of de-con and show no signs of quitting. I damn near have to wear a level A hazmat suit every time I go into the kitchen. Not because it smells, but because they have a bad habit of darting out whenever I open the pantry door and it is the only way I don't get the heebie-jeebies and by the way, every time I hear "heebie jeebie" I think of that movie Madagascar and the lemurs. They seriously crack me up. "I love him so much that it makes your love of him look like hate" BWAHAHAHHAHAHAHA! Sorry--I digress, just be glad I don't give you the earworm from that movie.
I played some ball over the last year, but alas, age has caught up with me and I ended up with a shoulder problem. Not sure if it was volleyball or softball or a combo of both, but had to breakdown and have surgery in July and that was no fucking walk in the park. You know you are at a low point when your sister puts your underwear on for you and knows what kind of wax job you get. THEN I got to have a second surgery to break up the scar tissue from the first surgery and ended up with a bruise from the shot of demerol that I still have 2 months later.
I found out that certain people are really not as special as I thought and they are going to have a time convincing me that they are. I miss other people very much and can't wait for them to get to where I can see them again.
I'm still not married/seeing anyone blah blah blah, so quit fucking asking me about it. And I'm too old to have a baby, so shut up about that while you're at it. And as long as I'm on the subject--I don't really care about how your 2 year old is progressing with potty training. Some of y'all--I do want to hear about your kids, but you know who you are.
I'm still in love with Pudge, as if I needed to actually write that down and still can't talk about the World Series without weeping.
Work is fine. I go every day. I haven't received a promotion or anything like that, although they do like me here.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! I hope 2007 is a hell of a lot better than this year was.
Love,
Ballz
posted by Ballz @ 11:09 AM
1 Comments:
At 9:15 AM,
jazzi said…
You know, that's exactly the kind of letter that I really want to write. I may just have to post one of my own.
xoxo
Frenchie
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