THE MOUSE CHRONICLES

Okay, I've come to accept it-I've got mice. I hate them and I try to trap them humanely. Of course, then I let them die in the trap, but really--isn't that beside the point?

First of all, the guy on QVC is full of shit when he says that a few drops of peppermint oil is a natural rodent repellent. I know for a fact that ain't true. And here is why.

Friday night I was feeding my dogs. For some odd reason, I moved the food bin away from the wall and what should happen to scurry out? AN EFFING MOUSE! And I had a cotton ball SATURATED with peppermint oil in there! THAT'S HOW I KNOW IS DOES NOT WORK. So while I'm standing there trying to decide whether I want to shit or go blind, my dogs, the dogs that were BRED TO KILL VERMIN, just stand there and watch this stupid mouse trundle across the floor under the dishwasher. They don't bark, they don't make a move--NOTHING. I had the damn creeps for, well, I still have them. I can't get rid of them and every time I open the pantry to get dog food or anything else, I pray beseechingly to God to please not let any mice scurry out, scaring the shit out of me in the process. I have taken to standing way to the right of the door to give any offending rodents a clear shot to the dishwasher.

Saturday morning, I bought a whole crapload of Decon. Screw the trap.