NOTE TO SELF: When removing the thermometer from the turkey that has been in the oven, wear protective equipment. That bastard is HOT!!! You'd think a safety professional would be aware of something as trivial as this. I swear, safety people are the worst when it comes to safe behavior.

This is not my first run-in with safety stupidity. About 2 years ago, I was in Chicago on a business trip and my sweater seemed awfully wrinkly. I got out the handy dandy handheld steamer that I carry with me, filled it up with water and plugged it in. Now, I've used the thing with clothes hanging on a hanger and frankly, it didn't seem all that hot to me, so I figured I'd just save some time and steam that sweater while it was still on. Held the sweater out away from me and the first blast of steam went right through the sweater and steamed my hip. It was a little shocking at first how hot it was. Yes, there was a big tag that said "Do not use while wearing clothes." BUT I AM A SAFETY PROFESSIONAL.

My hip looked a little red, but I thought that was it, so off I went to the meeting. It was pretty painful by the end of the meeting and when it was over, I went back to my room and looked. There on my hip were 4 perfectly round blisters. If you look really close, you can still see the scars.

Call me a dumbass if you will, it's not like I haven't done it myself.