DECK THE EFFIN' HALLS
Last year, my new year's resolution was to quit swearing. I'll wait until you pick yourselves up off the floor from laughing.
I did pretty well until November and suddenly everything was eff this, eff that and eff you too while I'm at it. Here--I usually say "eff" when I mean the "eff" word. In real life, people around me aren't that lucky. I'm trying again. I've done pretty well the last couple of days. However, the discussion of this post is as follows:
LAME ASS CHRISTMAS PRESENTS.
I myownself have been the victim of this. There was the year of the heating pad and answering machine from a boyfriend of 6 months. There was the year of the anorak leather coat. Sounds nice? The thing weighed about 50 pounds and looked HORRIBLE on me. I am a thin person and this thing literally swallowed me whole. Then there was the year of the robe. I don't wear them and I have one that hangs on the bathroom door gathering dust. The gift robe was brocade and very fancy and was the same effin' color as the one gathering dust. I got a blanket one year and a vacuum cleaner. I have a friend who got a decorated hammer. What in the hell are people actually thinking when they buy this crap?
However, the LAMEST ASS CHRISTMAS PRESENT for the year 2005 is (drum roll please)--THE SINGING DEER HEAD FROM WALMART.
I saw this in October and the only thing I could do is stare at it and wonder who the hell would buy that for someone else. It's eleventy jillion times worse than that g.d. singing fish. I have a friend who actually bought it for her son. He was going moose hunting and was convinced he was gonna have a trophy head to hang on the wall. To make a long story short, he came home empty handed and his mom, being a good mom and all, bought that deer head to go in the space that he had already cleared out. I almost fell out of my chair laughing. Now I know who would buy one of those things.
I was in Walmart on "black Friday", only because I had to be and as I was walking out of the store, I saw one of those things in someone else's cart. I can only hope they went moose hunting and came home empty handed and already had the space cleared out. Because that is the only acceptable reason for the singing deer head.
Last year, my new year's resolution was to quit swearing. I'll wait until you pick yourselves up off the floor from laughing.
I did pretty well until November and suddenly everything was eff this, eff that and eff you too while I'm at it. Here--I usually say "eff" when I mean the "eff" word. In real life, people around me aren't that lucky. I'm trying again. I've done pretty well the last couple of days. However, the discussion of this post is as follows:
LAME ASS CHRISTMAS PRESENTS.
I myownself have been the victim of this. There was the year of the heating pad and answering machine from a boyfriend of 6 months. There was the year of the anorak leather coat. Sounds nice? The thing weighed about 50 pounds and looked HORRIBLE on me. I am a thin person and this thing literally swallowed me whole. Then there was the year of the robe. I don't wear them and I have one that hangs on the bathroom door gathering dust. The gift robe was brocade and very fancy and was the same effin' color as the one gathering dust. I got a blanket one year and a vacuum cleaner. I have a friend who got a decorated hammer. What in the hell are people actually thinking when they buy this crap?
However, the LAMEST ASS CHRISTMAS PRESENT for the year 2005 is (drum roll please)--THE SINGING DEER HEAD FROM WALMART.
I saw this in October and the only thing I could do is stare at it and wonder who the hell would buy that for someone else. It's eleventy jillion times worse than that g.d. singing fish. I have a friend who actually bought it for her son. He was going moose hunting and was convinced he was gonna have a trophy head to hang on the wall. To make a long story short, he came home empty handed and his mom, being a good mom and all, bought that deer head to go in the space that he had already cleared out. I almost fell out of my chair laughing. Now I know who would buy one of those things.
I was in Walmart on "black Friday", only because I had to be and as I was walking out of the store, I saw one of those things in someone else's cart. I can only hope they went moose hunting and came home empty handed and already had the space cleared out. Because that is the only acceptable reason for the singing deer head.
posted by Ballz @ 10:13 AM
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