PATIENCE AND I generally cannot be mentioned in the same sentence. Oil and water, gasoline and fire--I'm just sayin'. So having been forced by the Universe to shut the hell up and sit on the sidelines has really been a trial for me. I'm almost ready to explode.

I'm getting a little relief this weekend. And it's probably going to help for a while, but I'm gonna need to find a hobby after that initial high is gone.

Which brings me to my point. Someone told me that they liked reading my blog for the unadulterated snark found here. And it occurred to me that I haven't been very snarky lately, so here goes.

American Idol--I love Simon. Simon and I are the same person. Who the hell told some of these people they could sing. Or dress. My favorite this season has been the Paris Hilton wannabe, whose mom is as big a train wreck as she is. There is such a thing as OVERTANNING!!! I swear to God, she looked like an OOmpa Loompa (the original version--not this year's piece of crap). Or the 2 rocket scientists who were on there last night. My favorite was the entrepensture (entreprenuer) who first of all, couldn't remember his advertising slogan and then came up with "Paradise Cleaning--when you come home, your house looks and smells like paradise". Effing genius. Then he tells the other rocket scientist that it was a tongue twister to say but he liked it that way. WHAT? And don't get me started on that yellow thing he was wearing, complete with matching hat.

I love the audition rounds almost as much as I love the show. There is a lot to be snarky about there.

PEOPLE WHO ASK FOR THE SAME ADVICE OVER AND OVER AGAIN--a particular pet peeve of mine. If you're not gonna take it the first 24 times--don't effin' ask me again because I will be forced to tell you how g.d. stupid I really think you are. Put on your big girl (boy) panties and take care of it. We've already told you how--just effin' do it! Jesus Christ--how many times you gotta hear it?

I could get carried away with the snark today, so I'll take a little breather and be back next week. I'm pretty sure that I will have something to say.