REMEMBER JIM CARREY AS 'OLGA' THE RUSSIAN WOMAN?

On In Living Color? He wore a bikini and had what little hair he had in 2 pigtails? Okay--keep that image close at hand, disturbing as it is.

I found the greatest bikini. I've been into the whole skull and crossbones trend for reasons best not mentioned here. Okay, I'll mention them--because a certain dumbass finds it disturbing and thinks that there is something more behind it other than me channeling my inner badass. So, I find this bikini in Victoria's Secret and order it.

It showed up courtesy UPS last Friday and I rush upstairs to try it on. Now--I weigh about 135 on a heavy day and I work out a lot, so even though I am almost 48--I can still look pretty good in a two piece. Much better than the 350 pound woman I saw in Florida a couple of years ago. I digress.

I put it on and the first thing that came to my mind was--OMG!!! I LOOK LIKE FUCKING JIM CARREY AS OLGA!!! It wasn't that I was "mannish", it was that the top is not cut for someone who doesn't have HUGE BOOBS!! I was scaring the dogs I was shrieking so much.

So off it came. And when I was at the hockey game with The Boy--I was telling him the story and he said--I seriously doubt that you looked like Jim Carrey. OH BUT I DID. And my beloved skull bikini will be making its way back to Vickie's. Le sigh. And this was immediately after watching "How to Love Yourself Naked". or whatever it's called. I can do that--but not with a bikini on that makes me look like Jim Carrey!!