Shut up Get out

Wednesday, January 31, 2007

A very good friend of mine and a now published author shared the following "My grandmother taught me that getting up and saying whatever is on your mind doesn't always make you a strong assertive woman. Sometimes it just makes you a bitch who talks too much"

Think about it. I work in a very male dominated industry--it is getting more and more women, but it is still male dominated. That never bothered me. What bothers me is women who think they are smarter than everyone else or who think they have to act like Bitchzilla to get any where in their field. You don't. If you know your shit, it will be recognized. Eventually. It's kind of like karma. Sometimes you have to wait for it and if you are an incredibly patient person like I am (I'll wait for you to quit laughing), eventually it will happen.

Here is my story of the day. Telemarketers suck. Last night, I answered the phone and one of the vermin was on the other end. I couldn't understand this guy at all. Not one word. I think he was speaking English, but I couldn't understand him. I did understand my phone number and last name and said yes that's me. He kept talking about a coupon I filled out when I was out shopping and I racked my brains trying to remember if I did anything like that. I told him I couldn't recall such a thing. He jumps on that and says "You can't recall? But you might have?" I told him I didn't think I did and he made his fatal mistake. He said, maybe your husband, Mr. Ballz, filled it out. Click.

I still don't know what the hell he wanted, but he called back and I just let my secretary (the answering machine) pick up for me. He didn't leave a message. Good thing, I probably couldn't understand it anyway.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

THE ANSWER ME JESUS

One of my crazy assed friends pointed this out to me. It's kind of like a Magic 8 ball, but Jesus. A big, pink plastic Jesus that is supposed to answer you when you ask it questions. Only it doesn't. Answer Me Jesus does not work. There is something wrong with the magic 8 ball part of it. I am so disappointed. I bought it to bring to work because it's funny. Only now Jesus has to go back and I will not have Jesus to Answer Me when I have questions. Such as why do people who think they know everything have lives that I would not want because they obviously DON'T know everything?

I'll bet if Answer Me Jesus were working--He would have an answer for that question. Or what about--Jesus--when will it quit snowing and get above freezing in Colorado? Or do you think Jesus would defer to that bitch Mother Nature?

In any case, Answer me Jesus will be packed in its original packaging and shipped back to the company for a full refund.

Monday, January 15, 2007

YOU KNOW WHO YOUR BEST FRIENDS ARE WHEN

They send you booze through the US mail. Last week, I received a box from one of my best friends--it contained 2 beautiful martini glasses, a calender and a bottle of Pineapple Vodka, that she personally slaved over.

I went home and immediately poured myself a cocktail--pour over ice, shake and drain into one of the martini glasses. She cautioned me NOT to dilute with ice in the glass and she was right. I had 2. Given that I don't drink a whole lot--two was plenty if you get my drift. I turned off my phone so I didn't drunk dial the wrong people.

I begged her for the recipe because I will be making myself some of this wonderful elixir. I need to start now because it takes 7 days. I will DIE if I don't have some on hand always. I'm trying to figure out how to take it with me on my next business trip to D C. Because that is how much I like it.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Quit Nagging! Sometimes it takes me awhile to get my snark recharged. And after all this effing snow--I've been a little busy shoveling.

First of all, I used to like Rosie O'Donnell. Now, I just want her to shut her pie hole. Does anyone really give a shit what her opinions are any more?

Trainwreck tv is back in the form of 'I LOVE NY'. This is the dumb broad that was on the past two Flava of Love shows and lost both times. She is the strangest looking woman ever. She looks like a BRATZ doll. And she's skanky. Anyway, she got her own show on VH1 and it premiered last night. I almost laughed myself unconscious. First of all, she doesn't have money and she's not famous, so this is like GHETTO BACHELORETTE. Then the guys they bring in--it just makes you go What the hell? However, it is very entertaining, so of course, you will find me in front of the teevee on Monday nights, taking copious notes so that I may poke fun at her and her crazy mama.

Christmas gift that sucked: My mom, I mean Santa, puts together a pretty good stocking for my sister and me at Christmas. There was an issue whether I was even going to GET to AZ for Christmas due to all the g.d. snow we've had, but a nice lady at Frontier Airlines said I was so nice to her while trying to re-book after my original flight was cancelled that she would have done anything to help me. I digress. I open one of the stocking gifts and it was a dishtowel with Cardinals on it. The bird. I looked at Mom and said, this was just plain mean since the Cards BEAT the Tigers in the world series and you KNOW that I was rooting for the Tigers. Mom looked at me and said--just give it to your sister. She likes Cardinals. I can't help your problem.