WELL THANK GOD THAT'S OVER.

"It's designed to break your heart. The game begins in the spring, when everything is new again, and it blossoms in the summer, filling afternoons and evenings, and then as soon as the chill rain comes, it stops and leaves you to face fall alone" A. Bartlett Giamatti, on baseball.

I play a lot of softball and at the end of the fall season--there are about 100 games right in a row because of the weather. Last night was our second to last game--our last game in one of our leagues and we got beat about eleventy jillion to nine. None of us wanted to be there--it wasn't like we were playing for the championship in that league. We finished fifth. But we did not finish LAST!

The team we played was a bunch of poor sports and there's nothing worse in sports than a bad winner, except maybe a bad loser. This team ran the score up and ran their mouths the whole time about how much we sucked. It's not so much that we sucked, it's that we just didn't really give a rat's behind because we were all tired. Everyone did have an ESPN worthy play, including myself. I play second and there was a ball hit in the gap. As soon as it was hit, I started running to the outfield. It was short, so the outfielder wasn't going to get to it, but I kept running and stretched out with my glove and it fell right into it. Of course, the poor winners started in with "She's just lucky". Hell yes. I'd rather be lucky than good any day.

After they finally called "game", we went back to the dugout and came up with some positives, such as: it wasn't freezing cold, we made each other laugh, we didn't get shut out and most important--we aren't a**holes.

One more game on Sunday and then the long offseason begins. I understand pitchers and catchers report to spring training on February 17, 2006. That's about 170 days away. I can't wait.

NO I DO NOT WANT TO EFFIN' TALK ABOUT IT

Has anyone ever made you so mad or hurt your feelings so badly that you don't want to be within the same lower 48 states as them?

This just happened to me yesterday and here it is 24 hours later and I pretty much don't want to be in the same solar system. I told someone once that I had 2 feelings, happy and not happy. Today is definitely a "Not Happy" day and no, I don't want to effin' talk about it. With anyone. And when I say ANYONE--I mean the people that I normally tell EVERYTHING. Mainly because I am a lot smarter than this whole situation would indicate and I deserve a hell of a lot better than I got. But somehow, that point didn't find itself on the powerpoint presentation. And I have to say--I never expected this from this particular person.

I can't even write about the details, that's how much I don't want to talk about it, but I had to write it down, just so I can always remember how badly I felt, so that it doesn't happen ever, ever again. Add that to my Hope List--I hope I never feel this way again. Because it sucks.

THE DEAL

Remember the movie "When Harry Met Sally" and he tells he when he meets her that men and women can really never be friends because sex gets in the way? And she disagrees with him and the entire movie follows their respective lives until they have sex and it gets in the way? But then it doesn't.

I have a male friend who has asked me to make a deal with him, that we will be friends without "fringe benefits". The purpose behind this request is several fold, I guess. First of all, one of us is single, one is not. Second, he says that he wants to grow the eff up and learn to (his words) like/love a woman "without fringe benefits". And third, he wants me to learn to trust men. (I have had a lot of really bad relationships).

I'm sure that by now you are yawning, looking for something else to read, but stay with me. The complicating factor is that we both like each other. A lot from what I can tell. He can banter as well as me and he can take a clue like no one's business. Plus, we share a brain. Which scares me. For example, I had a day off awhile back and I stopped by the Krispy Kreme donut place because the HOT sign was on. I was describing, in detail, to him how much I love KK donuts and that if someone would bring them to me on a regular basis--I would give them a blow job. He didn't miss a beat when he said, "I'll bring you a dozen--that's good for 6." That's what I mean when he doesn't miss a beat.

So we came up with THE DEAL. And we have to shake on it so that it is binding. No weaseling out. I'm seeing a living document in THE DEAL. That it can change if circumstances requires it to do so. For now, I'm content knowing that there is someone I can count on for a laugh on a daily basis, someone who gives good advice and someone who will bring me KK donuts and run a tab. And I'm good with that.

THE LINE TO BITE MY ASS STARTS HERE

Evidently I say "Bite my ass" a lot. Someone told me yesterday that they would just get in line and wait their turn. Have I taken the edge off this phrase from overuse? God, I hope not.

Why is it that people irritate me so much that I have to tell them to bite my ass. Maybe it's just a term of endearment, kind of like, gee, I like your hair, or your shirt, if you have no hair.

It's just an observation on my part, or rather on the part of one of my very good friends. I'll have to find a new f u expression, I guess.

In the meantime--grab a number. NOW SERVING 28--NUMBER 28. ARE YOU HERE NUMBER 28?

THE HOPE LIST

A friend of mine got me to thinking about this yesterday and I have decided that instead of a Wish List, I should create a Hope List. Mainly because I remember what my Grandpa said about wish in one hand and shit in the other and what do you end up with? That's right. A handful of shit.

Hope, on the other hand, springs eternal. It was the one thing left when that dumbass Pandora opened the box of whoopass on humanity. Hope and Faith go hand in hand. It's been said that faith isn't something you can touch, but you know it in your heart to be true.

I'm a fairly simple person, so my Hope List is probably going to be pretty simple as well.

I hope:
The Cubs win the World Series (remember--hope springs eternal)
I fall in love again
Our troops come home soon from Iraq and Afghanistan
My friends find what they need and want out of life
I'll vacation with someone I want to spend every minute of the day with
I'll always laugh til I cry
I never hurt anyone intentionally
I have a first kiss with someone that I dream about every night
I never lose faith
I will always remember to tell the people that matter most to me that I love them every day
Anyone who reads this will create their own hope list and share it with someone who means a lot to them

"Faith, Hope and Love abide, but the greatest of these is Love"

Breaking up is Hard to Do.

Is this true? What is so hard about "I don't like you that way anymore"? I'm just asking the question.

I broke up a little over 2 years ago with the Pita, yet remained in the house that we owned together because it was convenient. Needless to say, I didn't have much of a dating life. To be honest, I didn't really want one. I've had enough stupidity to last me a lifetime, thankyou. We broke up because he couldn't get a grip on his jealousy--well, there were other things involved--but really, the last straw was when we went on one of those "Let's save our relationship" vacations and he accused me of flirting with waiters young enough to be my sons. He launched into a diatribe about how disrespectful it was. Now when did being polite and saying please and thank you become disrespectful? THEN he accused me of sleeping with everyone on my softball team--well, at least all the MALE members (no pun intended).

So I had enough and basically used the old Steve Martin "I break with thee, I break with thee, I break with thee" technique. The pita actually thought that I would come around and we would be together again.

So Labor Day weekend, two years later, rolls around and I had just come back from 6 days at a conference. That conference basically provided me a slap upside the haid about what my life had become. It wasn't pretty. I was a shell of my former fun loving self, so I told him "I don't want to have ANY kind of relationship with you". And the fight was on. Every damn night.

He actually accused me of being a lesbian. One of my friends told me that I could have saved myself A LOT of trouble by just "admitting" that, but I have an issue with lying. It is now 6 weeks later and I am finally moving into a house of my own. It hasn't been without a lot of strife. He has picked arguments over the most stupid stuff. Most recently, the fact that he had to get satellite tv under his own name. The company wouldn't allow me to just transfer the account to him. I explained this to him about eleventy jillion times and he was STILL bitching about it last night! I told him he was being stupid about it.

Then he had to have a fight over the 20 or so boxes in the storage room that I told him to throw out almost 4 years ago. He wants me to move them to my new house and then I can throw them out. That makes a lot of sense to me. NOT!

A friend asked me this morning how long it would be before I lived with another man. I told her NEVER. I hope that isn't true, but it will be a long while, I imagine.

In the meantime, I have had friends who have supported me like I have never experienced and made friends with men who have provided me with a unique point of view and some very wise advice. I hope my friends realize how much I love and appreciate them.

Neil Sedaka should get the Nobel prize. I'm just saying.