DEAR SANTA:

I hope this makes it to the North Pole by Christmas Eve, unlike the box that has not made its destination YET!

2006 was challenging for a lot of us, not to mention outright sucky, so I hope 2007 is a lot better.

You did pretty well on the 2006 list for me, Pudge made it to the World Series again, but didn't win. I'm still compelled to whine about it though. So, I would like to request that Pudge make it to a World Series again and win. I hope he has a great 2007 season and that his batting average is .350.

I'd like certain friendships to re-establish themselves and for said parties to , well, quit acting like assholes--people make mistakes, you can only push their buttons so long before they give you a big ol' shove back.

I'd like some prosperity to come back into my live and the lives of friends who have had some financial crap to put up with over the past couple of years. It's time that we shouldn't have to worry about things, you know?

I'd like some happiness in the life of a certain acquaintance. Life is too short to be as miserable as they are. People in their life will understand and if they don't--they need to be reminded they don't have to deal with it on a daily basis. (yes--I know the grammar is horrible, but I'm trying to protect their identity)

I'd like an easier year physically. The surgery was a drag and now there is another issue that I am having to cope with. I don't want to name it yet, but it could be very serious and I'm waiting for the second round of tests before I say anything. Hopefully it is nothing.

I'd like the fucking mouse population that has taken up residence in my house to move somewhere else. Jesus Christ--there's enough poison in my house to kill an elephant and yet, there is fresh mouse shit in my pantry this morning.

I'd like my car to keep running well for another couple of years. I don't want any major repairs there or in my home.

I'd like the Marine to get home safely--he's headed stateside very soon and I hope that you see that his trip goes off with no problems. I'm glad he's done.

Please try to take care of the people who are less fortunate than me. At least I have a roof over my head and food for me and the dogs. There are those who don't have that and I hope you have extra for them.

Here's to a great 2007--there are other things that I really really want, but that's between us.

Love,
Ballz

I have had the best couple of days.

First of all, I have decided that I absolutely love the I farted on Santa's lap song. It cracks me up. The intro sounds like something you'd hear at an elementary school concert with just the piano. I need to find a kid to teach it to and make him sing it every year until I can't play piano any more. Yes, I mean when said kid is 40, he will still be singing that song. I don't know WHY I think it's funny (well, I do know why, but I don't want to discuss it here. There is another person involved and evidently, HE doesn't think it's as funny as I do, but nonetheless, I think of him every time I hear that song.) As a matter of fact--my day is NOT complete until I hear that song on the radio. I mean, my heart literally races when I hear that intro.

So, today, there was a big discussion of the Christmas Pickle on the radio show I listen to. Last year when I went to the drag queen Christmas pageant/show, there were two gay guys there with Santa Hats that had pickles attached. Now I know what the hell that was all about. Anyway--they started talking about "Hide the Pickle" and I almost had to pull over I was laughing so hard. I really am beginning to think I'm immature. But DAMN, it was funny.

Well, I need to start thinking about the Dear Santa letter, so stay tuned.

KOHLS Senior Discount Day

Supposedly Senior citizens get an additional 10 or 15% off already low sales prices. The discount day is usually on a Wednesday. Here's the rub: My mom and dad live in Sun City AZ--a place literally packed with senior citizens. Seriously--you can't move without being run into with one driving a golf or grocery cart or following one for 40 miles with their blinker on--shit--some of them can hardly see over the steering wheel. Anyway, my mom was headed to the senior discount day at the local Kohls.

She calls me up and she's all pissed off. Why? Because there were so many damn people in the store you could hardly move! Hello? Mom--you do live in the old people capital of the world (and I don't give a rat's behind if that is the wrong spelling/ and or usage of the word capital). duh.